Slow and steady or something...

So this past Tuesday I went to the gym, did my strength training (which is awesome-I love lifting weights) and decided to do a short run on the treadmill.

Let me define my version of running. It's called shuffling. And that could be generous. Basically I get from point A to point B walking with kind of a bounce. At least it gets my heart rate up higher than an actual walk, and that means more calories burned, which makes My Fitness Pal happy. 

I've been using the Couch to 10K app, which I highly recommend using (or using something similar). It takes you from straight walking, to jogging intervals, to straight jogging. I love it. It talks to you over your music, or in my case on the treadmill over my "House of Cards", so I don't have to keep looking at my watch. For some reason when the voice tells me to "start jogging" I will, and I'll keep going until he tells me to stop. If I was making up my own intervals I'd give up as soon as I felt the initial burn in my butt cheeks. 

Usually after strength training I'll swim or do a class but getting on the treadmill when my legs are burned out tends to be a whole new miserable experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I will start out with a bang and 2 minutes later I'm dying, the negative self-talk starts, and I quit, feeling like a total gym failure. 

Knowing that training for my Half needs to be stepped up I vowed to get my butt on the treadmill and do my running app. I'm on Week 3 Day 2. I've never made it this far before. I'm feeling very good about myself. I decided this time to not let my pride get in the way, and to keep my speed slow and steady so that I can finish the workout feeling good and feeling like I have accomplished something. 

And guess what? I actually did it! I shuffled at a whopping 3.7mph. I walked at the fast pace of 3.5mph. That's barely even a difference in pace but my legs felt it. I didn't care that I only got in 1.5 miles in almost half an hour. What I cared about is that I made it through and I didn't quit. I didn't have any negative voices in my head telling me I looked like an idiot. I just got on, got it done, and went home feeling super accomplished. 

It was a good lesson to me to keep the pace that's good for me at this time. I will get faster, but I have to crawl, (shuffle) before I can walk (or run). 

I Worked Really Hard For That .2 pound!

So a few girls from work are using MFP and of course we are all friends on there so we can cheer each other on. It seems like Mondays are weigh-in day for most of us (for me it keeps me from going crazy over the weekend). So people are logging 3 pounds lost here, 1.2 pounds lost there-and then my measly .2 pounds joins the ranks. 0.2 for a total of 0.6 over two weeks.

My first thought was.....seriously? I have done all this work for .2 pounds?

My second thought was......I worked really hard for those .2 pounds! And this is an example of my metabolism and I realize this and I know that I have to work harder than the average person.

My third thought was......where can I improve? Rather than get down on myself and give up because "it's not going to work anyway", I decided to do some tweaking.

A lot of research on weight loss talks about not eating too few calories. I've been eating 1500 a day. I did some calculating on my insurance's Healthy Living website, as well as a couple of other websites I found that deal with building muscle, and I settled on 1960 calories a day, which, because of my weight, still puts me in a calorie deficit. Then I changed around the percentage of protein/carbs/fats for my diet. To start out I'm going to go for 40/30/30 of carbs/protein/fats. My plan is to really home in on my proteins and make sure that I have no more than 11grams of saturated fat ins diet (I reds somewhere that was the limit you should have). I also don't want to allow myself to eat more on days I exercise because I have "banked" those calories. I'm sure it's ok once in awhile, but not on a daily basis.

My work week starts tomorrow so I have done some food prep with healthy snacks. I are smaller more nutrient packed meals today, and when evening came-aka my high calorie snack time- I wasn't craving anything. So I think this may be the way to go.

All in all I think this will be a better week and hopefully I can lose an actual pound next Monday. But if not I will just carry on and keep plugging away.

Day 3.........is this a bad sign? I

So I was feeling really good about myself. Until I made some choices that in hindsight were not the best.

Yesterday I went to the gym and had a great workout (win!)
My plan had been to go to the temple after the gym, I took a nap instead (fail)
I got a Diet Dr Pepper after my nap while I was running my errands (ummmm)
Got some healthy food at Wal-Mart (win!)
Went  to dinner with Emily, Jordan & Vicki and STUFFED myself then came home and ate pita chips and went to bed late. Couldn't wake up this morning and get myself out of bed, proceeded to eat more crap (see My Fitness Pal for the damages).

So this afternoon I reviewed the events of the day to figure out what happened.

I started out this morning by not starting off with my Genesis Pure stuff-no Metabolic Boost or Energy.
Then I heard that my dad is doing worse-even though I try to stay positive I think he's not going to make it.
I went downstairs and started eating pita chips instead of drinking a protein shake. I stayed on the couch instead of going to the gym. I slept on and off even being late to teach a class at work because I couldn't get going.
I realized what I was doing to myself but I still went to Burger King and got a cheeseburger and a small fry. And continued to stay on the couch watching reality tv.
Basically today I'm feeling the weight of my dad being sick and the stress of work and the pressure of going back to school and all of that combined pushed me over the edge today. And how do I cope with stress? Eating and sleeping on the couch. Suppressing emotions.

So now that I've realized what I'm doing to myself-what can I do differently?

I need to make a concerted effort to pull myself out of a funk no matter how stressed or depressed I feel. I need to take my supplements. I need to go to the gym even if it's only for a short workout on the treadmill or on the elliptical. And I need to learn to say "no" even if I don't want to disappoint people. It's not worth it. At all.

Tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to make it better.

It's time to stop being polite-and start getting real....

Deep breath, and go!

I'm usually pretty private about my weight issues. I acknowledge that they are there, but I don't say a ton because I don't want to call attention to what everyone can see-which is that I need to lose some serious weight. 

60 pounds. 

Or 80 if I want to be real about it. 

And I do. 

I have had weight issues (or at least I thought I did-you know how it is, you look back at pics and you're like "seriously? I looked awesome!" but in your mind you were huge) on and off, but back in 2008 I had some issues with depression/anxiety, started on anti-depressants, and then the weight started piling on. Like literally. I was going to a trainer and he told me the pills were causing me to gain because my diet and exercise were right on. I've tried going off the pills, and that's a bad scene. Last year I was diagnosed with PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome) which causes a slow metabolism along with other fun symptoms. So I feel like the chips (Pringles Sour Cream) are stacked against me. So I exercise, which I've always loved to do, and attempt to eat healthy, I don't lose anything after a week or two and I get frustrated and quit. I'll continue to exercise but my diet sucks. I'm starting to get into the the whole "the diet starts Monday" mentality. Of course, the diet starts Monday but by Tuesday it's over. I don't want to be that person that's perpetually dieting, perpetually trying to lose weight. It's damaging to the psyche and to the metabolism as well if I start doing stupid things like majorly restricting calories. My metabolism can't take any more problems.

So. Enough rambling on. The past is the past and all that. 

This year I have set a goal of running the American Fork Half Marathon. I'm running it with some of my cousins and friends. It should be awesome. 

I'm hiring a personal trainer who is highly reputable and can produce major results. He gives you a meal plan and workout plan (major strength training-yea! Love weights!) and you check in with him weekly. That's right-it's all on email/texting. This is perfect for me-I'm someone who prefers to workout solo and having a trainer right there with me made me really self conscious. 

I'm cutting back on sugar. For the month of March I won't be eating any sweets/desserts. This is my weakness, but I can be strong!

I've got some products I've been using from a company called Genesis Pure that I absolutely love and I can use for workouts and general health. 

And I've started this blog. 

It originally was meant to be private but I've decided to make it public. Maybe my story can help someone else, and knowing that people are reading this (even if it's only my family and a few close friends) at least I know I have to be accountable because I have officially put it out there. 

So buckle up-this could be a bumpy ride but it will be worth it!